Broken controls (Words and only words)

"...Hey, wake up, hey, hey."
"...Hmmm...five more minutes mom."
"You farsighted fool, get up now."
"....."
"Hey."
"Cold! Why'd you take away my warmth? It's bright...the sun, SUN!"
"I'll give you your jacket back when you open your eyes and witness the damage to your headquarters."

"...Oh. My. God."
"...Guess everyone enjoyed themselves including us. My head kind of hurts."
"My house is trashed..."
"Indeed."
"Where is everyone?"
"I don't know. I just woke up in the middle of your living room floor and I found you curled up here."
"Of all the places I could have slept...the kitchen. Ugh, my head...and neck."
"Shall we survey the damage?"
"I suggest you wash your face first though. Someone drew stars on your cheeks and a shark on your forehead."
"Good lord..."

"No way...just no way."
"That sucks."
"No....no.."
"We have to stay calm."
"No way...just no freakin' way, man, no way."
"Are you even listening to me, Andrew?"
"No, no, no, no, no...why?"
"Andrew..."
"Shhh shh shhhh, don't cry...I know it hurts."
"Would you stop mumbling sweet nothings to an inanimate object and listen to-"
"Why did it have to be you my friend, my lover, my-Ow, the hell was that for?"
"I said to keep your composure, you bloody idiot."
"...That didn't call for a slap to the face to someone who wakes up to see their beautiful car damaged!"
"I know...you love your car and this situation is devastating so-"
"Devastating? You think I'm devastated?"
"..."
"I am NOT devastated you British-blabbering buffoon."
"Wow alliteration."
"Shut up! My car!"
"Well, I got your attention didn't I?"
"My car!"
"So, I think this British-blabbering baffoon reacted perfectly to the situation at hand."
"Blah blah blah, you talk too much. My car!"
"Is there anyway of saving it?"
"Yea, but it is going to take a chunk out of my pay check..."
"..."
"..."
"Your...uh...bumper fell off."
"A bigger chunk out of my pay check...oh, God. Oh, God my parents..."
"Stay calm."
"I need to find out who did this and fast and make them pay!"
"Andrew."
"Dearly..."
"Andrew,"
"And when I do...oh ho, and when I do...I will so fu-Ow! Godda-Ow! Arthur!"
"I won't have cursing in my presence."

"Don't act like you don't drop the occasional fuuu or shiii! Anyway, back to my babies being killed. I bet it was Ivan. Ivannnn..."

"Ivan?"

"What makes you think it was him?"
"Are you really defending, Ivan?"
"No, it's just that everyone was probably drunk, so you can't accuse him."
"Okay one, he is evil."
"Go on."
"Two, he is creepy."
"Uh-huh..."
"And three, he is out to get me."
"Those are not valid-"
"I have never seen him drunk too. He drinks, but I have never ever witnessed it."
"Maybe because, you go to sleep before you ca-"
"Shut it. I bet he was just smiling with his stupid smile and silently laughing at us all in our drunken stupor."
"Well...it is Ivan we are talking about."
"Where the hell is Ivan, now?"
"Hm. Besides the girl hugging your lamp post and the shirtless man sleeping on your drive way wearing a shiny masquerade mask, no one is outside. You know we shouldn't automatically accuse him."
"Look for his car! Help me look!"
"Okay okay..."

"And here is perfectly intact. Well, its bonnet is a little bent."
"Yea Ivan's car hood is dented, so it was him!"
"But it was already like that when he arrived remember?"
"Da-..Darn it."
"You know...I remember one of our friends trying to get you to stop the car."
"What? When?"
"I think you were trying to back up out of the driveway last night."
"Now that you mention it...that tree across the street is broken."
"..."
"Did we...have a storm or something?"
"No."
"So then did I?"
"I think you did."
"...I am so stupid."
"And a wanker for blaming innocent people without any evidence."
"Shut up, I am not a wanker."
"Let's go find everyone."
"......okay, Arthur."

"Heh heh, that's what you get."

"Hey Ivan!"

"Ah, Andrew, good morning!"

I don't know....I really, don't know. I had fun writing this though. Don't drink and drive.