Broken controls (Words and only words)

"...Hey, wake up, hey, hey."
"...Hmmm...five more minutes mom."
"You farsighted fool, get up now."
"....."
"Hey."
"Cold! Why'd you take away my warmth? It's bright...the sun, SUN!"
"I'll give you your jacket back when you open your eyes and witness the damage to your headquarters."

"...Oh. My. God."
"...Guess everyone enjoyed themselves including us. My head kind of hurts."
"My house is trashed..."
"Indeed."
"Where is everyone?"
"I don't know. I just woke up in the middle of your living room floor and I found you curled up here."
"Of all the places I could have slept...the kitchen. Ugh, my head...and neck."
"Shall we survey the damage?"
"I suggest you wash your face first though. Someone drew stars on your cheeks and a shark on your forehead."
"Good lord..."

"No way...just no way."
"That sucks."
"No....no.."
"We have to stay calm."
"No way...just no freakin' way, man, no way."
"Are you even listening to me, Andrew?"
"No, no, no, no, no...why?"
"Andrew..."
"Shhh shh shhhh, don't cry...I know it hurts."
"Would you stop mumbling sweet nothings to an inanimate object and listen to-"
"Why did it have to be you my friend, my lover, my-Ow, the hell was that for?"
"I said to keep your composure, you bloody idiot."
"...That didn't call for a slap to the face to someone who wakes up to see their beautiful car damaged!"
"I know...you love your car and this situation is devastating so-"
"Devastating? You think I'm devastated?"
"..."
"I am NOT devastated you British-blabbering buffoon."
"Wow alliteration."
"Shut up! My car!"
"Well, I got your attention didn't I?"
"My car!"
"So, I think this British-blabbering baffoon reacted perfectly to the situation at hand."
"Blah blah blah, you talk too much. My car!"
"Is there anyway of saving it?"
"Yea, but it is going to take a chunk out of my pay check..."
"..."
"..."
"Your...uh...bumper fell off."
"A bigger chunk out of my pay check...oh, God. Oh, God my parents..."
"Stay calm."
"I need to find out who did this and fast and make them pay!"
"Andrew."
"Dearly..."
"Andrew,"
"And when I do...oh ho, and when I do...I will so fu-Ow! Godda-Ow! Arthur!"
"I won't have cursing in my presence."

"Don't act like you don't drop the occasional fuuu or shiii! Anyway, back to my babies being killed. I bet it was Ivan. Ivannnn..."

"Ivan?"

"What makes you think it was him?"
"Are you really defending, Ivan?"
"No, it's just that everyone was probably drunk, so you can't accuse him."
"Okay one, he is evil."
"Go on."
"Two, he is creepy."
"Uh-huh..."
"And three, he is out to get me."
"Those are not valid-"
"I have never seen him drunk too. He drinks, but I have never ever witnessed it."
"Maybe because, you go to sleep before you ca-"
"Shut it. I bet he was just smiling with his stupid smile and silently laughing at us all in our drunken stupor."
"Well...it is Ivan we are talking about."
"Where the hell is Ivan, now?"
"Hm. Besides the girl hugging your lamp post and the shirtless man sleeping on your drive way wearing a shiny masquerade mask, no one is outside. You know we shouldn't automatically accuse him."
"Look for his car! Help me look!"
"Okay okay..."

"And here is perfectly intact. Well, its bonnet is a little bent."
"Yea Ivan's car hood is dented, so it was him!"
"But it was already like that when he arrived remember?"
"Da-..Darn it."
"You know...I remember one of our friends trying to get you to stop the car."
"What? When?"
"I think you were trying to back up out of the driveway last night."
"Now that you mention it...that tree across the street is broken."
"..."
"Did we...have a storm or something?"
"No."
"So then did I?"
"I think you did."
"...I am so stupid."
"And a wanker for blaming innocent people without any evidence."
"Shut up, I am not a wanker."
"Let's go find everyone."
"......okay, Arthur."

"Heh heh, that's what you get."

"Hey Ivan!"

"Ah, Andrew, good morning!"

I don't know....I really, don't know. I had fun writing this though. Don't drink and drive.

Well worth the effort.

I have yet to sleep in the Studio. And I hope to keep it that way. There are many horror stories of artist sacrificing sleep in order to complete a project and the after effects is the worst part. There was this boy in my class who finished all of his art assignments, but ended up staying awake all night to morning in the studio. He was able to move with enough efficiency to clean up, eat, change and run back. I felt so bad for him as he snored in our class and our teacher didn't know about him pulling an all-nighter. He call him out mentioning that he missed half of the video example we were watching. My teacher didn't know and we couldn't say anything because, we all know that we have to suck it up.

(I was able to finish...it was difficult.)

We have to suck it up and fight through the first year by doing our best in whatever we create. Eventually, we would all do the same thing and sacrifice a lot in order to meet deadlines. Whether is be working for 8am to 8pm, to running back and forth from the remote Bowe Studio countless of times or sleeping in the studio...we will all face it and succeed.

Determination: I keep on telling myself that I will fight, fight, fight. I am going to be positive.

Positivity: It is important in everything, not only art. One has to be positive and accept the good and bad in art...and life as well. However, it all depends on the situation. Sometimes a person has to listen (like during a critique) and something a person has to fight.

Acceptance or Reluctance? That is the question...

As an ending note, I will do my best in everything that is thrown at me and if I mess up, I will smile and overcome the situation.

There I go again...telling myself to be confident. (I like giving myself a boost every now and then. hehe. :D)

Man I love his voice

Franklin D. Roosevelt, I mean. It could be just the way people talked back then (due to trying to be clear enough for those listening on radio probably), but his voice is just so interesting to listen to. Whenever I hear his voice, I can feel the strength, power and sadly his frustration with the situation at hand. With all the weight of America on his shoulders and everyones' attention turned towards him, his speech becomes enhanced. I can picture all the Americans huddling around their radios listening intently to his voice.

"Yesterday," and then he says the date slowly, but clearly, "December 7th...1941...A date which will live...in infamy. The United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by Navel and Air forces of the Empire of Japan." I get shivers at the ending part: Japan. The dot is placed hard at the end of that sentence.

I cannot imagine, if I were him, how I would have reacted when I was told of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. As President one would have to appear collected. They would have to dull their inner turmoil and horror in order to appear and sound strong yet calm, cool and collected. Appearance and sound is key. That is what I think. A shaky voice isn't going to intimidate the enemy or address the nation. Let alone address anyone. No one would want to listen to a frightened herbivore on a microphone or a frightened piece of prey on stage. 

The audience attention is another key thing. People in general, a crowd, the nation, will probably not listen to anyone who is boring. A hooking first sentences, word, or action, anything that draws us in and keeps our mouths shut. 

It's easier to point out the things that make a speech amazing and yet, it is hard to speak for certain people. Of course though, with the situation at hand in WWII, the President was fueled by the attack on The United States of America. (and he is after all the President, voted into office by the people of this land and so, he obviously had a pleasing persona)

I am happy right now...since I found it on Youtube. Here is Franklin D. Roosevelt's speech. FDR Speech

Another speech I love is Gregory Peck in the movie "To Kill A Mockingbird." It's a movie, I know, but his voice just grabs ears and lures those nearby closer. Might I say his voice is appealing. (If I were a man, I would want his voice, but I'm not so...I don't want a manly voice.)

That is the scene too. It is the scene where he defends...-Oh, watch the movie I don't like spoilers or giving them out.

Cellphone check..oh crap is it there?!

My hand kept on flying to my pocket over and over again. The thoughts echo in my mind, "Oh crap, I lost it, lost it, lost it, lost it," with the 'lost it' repeating as I pat myself, searching like I am some criminal getting arrested. I fly into a mini panic every time I leave a certain area on campus. 


The cafeteria, cellphone, lost?! 
Classroom, cellphone, lost?! 
Studio, cellphone, lost?!


LOST.


But no, my cellphone is not lost. Throughout the whole day I had to remember that I put it in the inner pocket of my backpack. When I do remember, I debate whether I should check because, I doubt my memory. I start doubting that the memory of it being in my pocket was recent. It could have been last week and then I have to double check if it is there. It is. In its 'off' state.


From the way I kept on checking if my phone was where it was the whole day, it is logical to say I rely on it...a lot. Cellphone numbers, home numbers, family, friends...the time, the list goes on. One of my biggest fears is losing my cellphone. I feel oddly bare and exposed without using my cellphone ever since I started college five hours away from home. I don't want to lose it, because, it is an essential...an important essential. 


Indeed, I am addicted to it. It is a convenience. Back in the day, they had to carry those huge phones bigger than bananas and they were the "cellphones." Even further back in the day, people were chained to the phone by cords only.


Since technology advanced to the degree that a compact, portable and functional communications device can be held at all times..who would say no? We had to memorize cellphone numbers before, but now people can just facebook:


"Cellphone fell in toilet, need numbers."


"Cellphone broke, need numbers."


"Curb-stomped crappy cell, need numbers." I spot an alliteration!


Then they'll get flooded with numbers.


Yea, since technology is making it easy for us, we take advantage of it because, it is there and makes our lives easier.

No such thing as solitude in a University

I had such a hard time trying to find a nice place to relax and watch a movie. My friend Kiah mentioned the movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and I suggested the idea that we watch it. We rented it and went off on a journey to find a cool place to settle and watch. However, we ended up not viewing the film. We walked around for hours...and ended up settling in Barnes & Noble reading. The random reading wasn't so bad though because, I found a Psychology magazine and an Arts Magazine.

The Psychology magazine was the one that intrigued me first. Well, to be honest, I was attracted by the cover. The cover was of a girl with long dark brown hair completely covering her face.

My thoughts were, "Whoa, how can she walk like that?"

I read the biggest title on the magazine. (Keep in mind that I did not see the title of the magazine yet.) The title for the picture was, "Revenge of the Introverts" or something along those lines. I was curious. I turned to the page and read. I paused and said aloud, "Wow, I really like this article it's like a Psychology book, I wonder what the title is-...oh, Psychology Magazine."

One of my moments in action.

The article basically stated how the world is full of introverts and extroverts...and those in between who hold both introvert and extrovert traits. The statement I liked in the article was that introverts are not social outcasts. Introverts are people who prefer living within their mind and thoughts. (The girl on the cover was now chilling in a bubble) They are the people who are content with going to a party and leaving after an hour.

I was amused at the last statement because, I am like that.

It said a lot of interesting things like how people over estimate the amount of extroverts in the world. Everyone has their own introvert and extrovert...qualities (if that is the correct word to say for this) within their own personality. The extroverts are those people who like to socialize, but even those who are seen as extroverts still can be introverts. That sentence doesn't really makes sense...I think.

How can I explain this better, huh? The article mentioned a woman who is the Dean of Sciences somewhere who scores as an introvert. It seems that people who are leaders (stereotyped as outgoing and energetic) can be introverts. I bet this woman is the calm and collected type leader.

(That made me want to take the legit test of finding out if one is a introvert/extrovert. I wonder want I would be...)

Currently, I consider myself an introvert, but I can still talk with people and socialize. I can be open and be very quiet at times. I bet everyone gets like this. During parties filled with unfamiliar face, I am quiet and the desire to remove myself from the situation increases. I also shake when I am put on the spot and know before hand (stage fright). Yet, I am an outgoing person and can express myself when I feel the need to.

I can be an obnoxious woman if I want to be.

(hehe) Just joking.

When I am feeling alright, I can grin, chuckle and my movements are not stiff and twitchy. Amongst a crowd that is intelligent, friendly, unified and open, I feel better and can crack a joke here and there. One feels better in a comfortable environment.

Back to the whole Introvert an Extrovert business, does anyone ever feel as if they are different in front of different people? Do you consider the yourself fake if you are quiet one moment and loud the next?

 On an end note I shall say: Nothing is only black and white...good and evil...introvert and extrovert.

Matte...Xacto-knife, whatever, cutting 50 small sheets of paper is hard

Yesterday was the first time I used a Matte Knife. Maybe using it to cut one sheet of paper...one time wouldn't be so hard, but 50 pieces, each 4 by 5 inches, was kind of difficult. It is for my first Surface Research Project. I tried really hard, really I did, some pieces are a skew but I attempted to straighten them out the best that I can. For a first time, I am quite proud of myself. It took longer than expected (three hours), but I am satisfied with my work.

At my high school, my art teacher had a huge Xacto cutting board and whenever I needed a piece of paper to be cut I just go:

"Can you cut this paper for me?"
"Sure."

No work for me and no need for me to go near sharp objects. However, here I am on my own with this. The original size of the paper I cut was 14 by 17 inches. The limited cutting surface in my dorm room and me messing up a lot contributed to my struggles.

It's not good to get used to certain things sometimes. Comforts, I mean. They can go away. Not everything is permanent. In this case, I graduated from my high school, thus leaving my art teacher who had an huge Xacto cutting board. My tendency to rely on him to cut my paper or stretch canvas cannot be done now. I have to leave the nest. I have to leave my own pride. I have to break away from the herd.

In a less dramatic statement, I have to be responsible now.

Relying on yourself is an important skill. I admire people who are independent:

Like Bruce Lee who came to America at a young age...or my own mother went to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia by herself and remained by herself for 4 years.

I am off on my own in a foreign place. It is hard being away from home. I know that I am not the only one feeling this way though. There are those who live further than me and are here. The international students probably have it the hardest. I hope they are adjusting well.

If Bruce Lee can do it, so can I. (This is me giving myself a boost of confidence)

Ever since Sailor Moon...

It all started with Sailor Moon, that ancient japanese anime cartoon that used to play all the time on TV, that put me on the path towards the arts. I was three, wandering the Toys R Us when I saw the VHS tapes of the said show. Getting one VHS triggered me to get a few more. I was addicted to anime like I was addicted to Barney.

I wanted to dress like them, look like them...

and

I wanted to be a magical girl!

In order to do that I turned to drawing. Drawing myself as a magical girl made it possible for me to be who I wanted to be. I could be anything. Anime, Disney, Barney...I was in love with them all. Now picture this: A little girl dragging around a big, red Hello Kitty bag filled with pens, pencils, crayons and bundles of paper everywhere she goes. That's me.

From experience, I did go to space, I was a mermaid, I danced with the seven dwarfs, I was a "Sailor Scout," I did save the world from aliens a few times, I did capture Pokemon and I was a Pokemon.

My goal was to protect the freakin' world from the evil. 

Keep in mind, that I was young and that these aren't really my goals anymore.

Kinda...

I do want to save the world.

Inspire it.

Change it. 

My parents love telling me stories. My father once told me that he could leave or forget to close the door to our house and nothing bad would happen. He told me that he knew everyone in his neighborhood back then. My mother told me she used to play in the creek by herself. She also mentioned how she used to run around in her undergarments when it rained, along with her friends, to cool off. 

Nowadays, one can't leave their door open or wander off all alone.

Most neighborhoods are not close-knit. 

People can't run around in their undergarments in the rain.

This made me want a world where the number of people who hold doors open for each other is larger than those who don't. The same goes for the number of people who press the open button on closing elevators for people and help pick up posessions of those who trip and....oh, you know what I mean. The list goes on. My childhood fantasies matured to the desire to inspire a movement that will create a new world.

A better world where people will be a little bit more...nicer.

I guess you can say, I wish for peaceful times like the times I hear from my parents. A perfect representation of those times would be"The Little Rascals" or that beautiful movie (and book I might add) "To Kill A Mockingbird." (Gregory Peck, I love you.)

All of this may sound cheesy, but I accept it.

So here I am in the Art Foundation of Virginia Commonwealth University. I am one step closer to changing the world.

It is easy to say to you, Ken Steele, that I am a scholar. A scholar who is interested in pursing a higher form of education to polish her passion for art and change the world for the better.

I am not here by force or using college as a means to escape reality. (Being five/six hours away from my hometown, reality has slapped me quite hard in the face already) Nor am I here solely because, I want a job. I do want to live life off my art, but I want something more than a job.

My resolve is firm.

What I want to do before I die

Such a morbid title, but it is true. I would love to do all of these things before I die. I am still so young and my whole life is out there to fill with whatever I desire. And so, I sigh, thinking...pondering on what I might do in the future.

One of the main things I would love to do is travel around the world. I would love to see Mt. Fuji, walk the busy streets of Shibuya, gaze down from atop the Eiffel tower, explore the Louvre art museum, go to the leather shopping districts in Italy and so much more. I have been living in New Jersey for my entire life and getting out of the play officially only happen now.

I am already one step close to my desire to fulfill this since I already went to Japan. However, I only went to the Kyushu island of southern Japan.

To be honest, I would like to try eating a cricket. Chocolate covered crickets to be exact. It is apparently a delicacy because, one of my friends tried it in her Spanish class. She told me it was good, but I don't know where to get...fresh....legit...clean....crickets to drizzle chocolate over. Sure, I could get crickets, but they are "wild" crickets. (Just thinking about it...where did my friend's Spanish teacher get her crickets?! Note to self: look into this, maybe they have dried or frozen crickets somewhere.

I would like to go to a 70s disco. I have been to a disco in the Philippines (and got everyone dancing), but I want it to be in the 70s theme. I wonder if they have 70s themed discos in our day and age. I would love to dance to the Bee Gees/Travolta.

Learning Tagalog and Cebuano is a major wish for me. Tagalog and Cebuano are two of the countless dialects in the Philippines. They are the main two that my family speaks. I really enjoy all of my cousins who speak English fluently and then they are fluent in both. It hurts me. My parents have been "teaching" me, but their teaching is more like:

Here. See this? This is silya. This is a chair.

So, I just have to keep on hounding them on that matter.

Before I die, I would also like to go to church more. I have went through CCD which is a program from where I came from that concentrates on educating the youth on religious upbringing. I am happy that there is a church within walking distance here on campus. It is also a cathedral which makes it cooler since I love look at religious art and icons.

Driving. Driving is an essential here in America. That I know. I have a permit however the thought of driving freaks me out. I still have to take the practical driving exam which also scares me. I have postponed it several times, but I have one year to do it before my permit expires. I know I can make it.

I would love to create my own career within the art world. Illustration and Graphic design is the major I desire to go into. The art world is so big though. There is so many possibilities for me. Making it into the art program is the first step I have taken, so good luck to me.

I am also into Japanese anime. I would love the meet the mysterious creator of Hetalia. He only goes by Hidekaz Himaruya which is a pen name so no one knows who he is.

I would also love to meet Hikaru Utada. She is a beautiful singer and she speaks fluent english...and is a must need for conversation.

I have watched The Godfather several times and I would have wanted to meet Marlon Brando, but he died. Ever since I see him in "A Street Car named Desire" I was fascinated with him. I would be happy to meet Al Pacino and Robert De Niro instead.

Lady Gaga. I love her. I saw her perform in Atlantic City, but I was so far way. We had seats, but I would like to see her face up close. I shall try to get floor tickets one day.

I also want to be famous before I die. I always hear that from people who know of my art. They laugh saying I will be famous when I die. That's not nice right? So yea, my goal is to fight, fight, fight for my education in the arts.

My cute nephew has down syndrome and I have been designing his yearly Buddy Walk T-shirts for down syndrome kids. I would love to see him play basketball and ride a bike etc. I can only pray for me right now.

My two good friends from high school...oh, how I wish they were here with me. One of my goals is to figure out how they can come over here. I have guest passes for food at Shafer, so here go. Sooner or later.

I want to have a Dog. However, my mom doesn't want it to scratched the floor. I don't know what to do about that. I could always give my dog socks. I think that won't happen though. In the mean, I'll just have to get fish since they are allowed in the dorms.

There also is this Asian mall in Canada that sells a bunch of nice imported goods. I haven't been there, but we saw it when we went to visit friends in Toronto. Sooner or later, they promised to bring us there when we visit again. I just have to wait.

I love sushi. My aunt has taught me a few techniques, but I haven't mastered/ tried making it on my own. When I find free time...I shall make a boat of sushi. You know those special boat sushi platters they have in restaurants? Yea, those.

I want to learn how to speak and write Japanese. I have taken lessons before, but they were only basics. My teacher also have to move so that put an end to my lessons. I just have to find a way to learn Japanese on my own. I could get rosetta stone or something.

Health wise, I would like to eat better. I was a big baby...10.2 pounds. I want to be fit and healthy. I plan to go to the Gym here on campus.

Unagi. I can't find it. Raw eel I mean. I would like to know how to cook an eel. It's just hard to get.

My mother makes siopao (steam buns). I can't make it, but she promised to teach me. I have to learn. She promised me again, but she is always busy. It's understandable though, she has work.

I never owned a pair of stiletto heels. I went to Nordstrom and they have a lot of them. I have to save up for them. One of these days....neon red. Just joking.

Under the arts, I am also considering fashion design, so sowing is a need to know thing. I don't know how to sow. A friend of mine knows and she will teach me.

A house on stilts near the sea. Ever since I was a kid I was obsessed with elevated houses.

Horse back riding too. I am on a roll on these things to do before I die. My father owned a farm in the Philippines, but he had to sell it. He will teach me soon.

I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle, but my parents said, "Do you want to die?" I said, "No." And so a Moped in my future instead.

A tropical cruise. I have never been on a boat, with those basketball courts and pools. My mother is afraid, but she promised me we will soon. Promise, promise, promise. I'll have to go when I am older.

A gown. I love gowns, but I have never worn one. Those wedding shows always get to me and those ladies going "I don't like this one..." I go, "It's freakin' gorgeous!!!" I want it and I shall soon.

Get married. I don't want to end my family line here. I want to have a family of my own. I am on a look out boys.

Watch out.

HA!

I want to skydive. Feel the wind on my face. I love hanging in high (safe) places just to feel the wind. My senior class went, but I was a chicken. Ha...ha...sooner or later.